


A State of Being

by IvanW



Series: The Professor-Cadet [3]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gay Romance, Gay Sex, M/M, Past Sexual Abuse, Professor/Cadet, Protective Spock, Sexual Assault, Starfleet Academy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-11
Updated: 2016-01-07
Packaged: 2018-04-08 18:09:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 15,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4315170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvanW/pseuds/IvanW
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Professor Spock meets Cadet Kirk under auspicious circumstances.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Helping the Professor

“Bones, go to the party without me. I want to stay to make sure he’s okay.”

“He’s fine. It was just a little flu combined with dehydration,” Bones told him over his communicator.

“I thought Vulcans didn’t get the flu.”

“Professor Spock is part human and sometimes human things affect him. Mildly. It wouldn’t have been so bad but he didn’t stay hydrated. They’ll release him in the morning.”

Jim bit his lip as he stood in the hospital outside Professor Spock’s room. Nurses and doctors kept passing by him. Bones knew very well Jim had the hots for the professor. He’d been working his way up to asking Spock out. In fact that very day he had hung around the classroom for that very purpose, which was why he was there when Spock collapsed.

“I just want to be sure.”

Bones sighed dramatically. “You don’t stand a chance, you know?”

Jim scowled. “Why do you say that?”

“One, rumor has it he’s involved with someone, and two, he’s a Vulcan and they don’t  _feel_  anything.”

“Well, even if I can’t get into his pants, I still want to be sure he’s okay. It’s just a party, Bones. I can miss it.”

“Suit yourself, kid. You’re only going to get hurt.”

“Probably,” Jim admitted. “See you tomorrow.”

He closed his communicator and hovered by the door. Spock was awake. Jim knew he was. He’d heard him talking to the nurses. But now he was all nervous about going in and speaking to Spock. He had a way of intimidating Jim with just his dark, smoldering stare.

He turned away and walked down the hall to get a cup of hot tea out of the vending machine. Maybe if he came armed with an offering, he could actually talk to Spock without making an idiot out of himself.

When he turned to walk back toward Spock’s room, he saw Uhura hurrying down the hall. She went straight into Spock’s room.

Within earshot, he heard her say, “Oh, Spock, I’m so glad you’re okay.”

Jim’s heart plummeted straight to his stomach. Or it felt like it did anyway. With a sad shake of his head, he put the tea on a nearby table and left the hospital.

Bones was right. He was hurt.

****

It was late morning and Jim was getting out of the shower when he heard a knock on his dorm room door. He scowled. He wasn’t expecting anyone and he was in a bad mood. He’d had a terrible night, trying to stave off his own broken heart.

Wrapping only a towel around his waist, Jim went to the door and opened it, ready with a pithy remark.  

Professor Spock stood there, dressed in his uniform.

“May I come in?”

Jim swallowed and stepped aside to let Spock inside his room.

“What-what can I do for you?”

“You are the cadet who brought me to the hospital, are you not?” Spock asked, hands clenched behind him.

“Yeah.” At Spock’s arched brow, Jim cleared his throat. “Yes.”

“Then I am here to express my gratitude.”

“Oh. Well, no problem. I’m just glad you are all right.”

Spock hesitated. “I was told you were at the hospital for some time last night, but when I asked the nurse to locate you, you had departed.”

Jim nodded. “I didn’t want to intrude.”

“You would not have.” Spock straightened. “In any event, I believe you have classes to attend.”

Jim licked his lips. “Yeah, yeah I do. Again, I’m really glad you’re okay. You should be more careful. Stuff like that can sneak up on you.”

“Indeed.” Spock inclined his head. “Cadet.”

“Professor.”

Jim shook his head as he closed the door after Spock left. Great impression he must have made standing there mostly naked. Not that the Vulcan had seemed to notice. And Jim guessed he wouldn’t, given he already was involved with someone.

One thing was for sure. Spock had been right. He did have classes.

****

“You’re not actually admitting I was right, are you?” Bones demanded, looking more than a little incredulous that night as they sat at a booth in the bar they favored because it was only a block or so from the Academy.

“Don’t be so smug. I just mean he is involved with someone. She showed up at the hospital last night.”

Bones eyed him over his drink. “Yeah? Who’s stupid enough to be involved with him? Other than you, I mean.”

Jim slugged his friend’s shoulder. “That linguistic chick. Um, Uhura.”

“Oh.” Bones nodded. “Makes sense.”

“How?”

“She’s as cold as Vulcans.” He shrugged. “Or so I’ve heard. So, you’re telling me you aren’t all hurt and broken-hearted that your crush has someone?”

Jim didn’t wince but it was an effort not to. “He was just a crush, like you said. I’m hardly going to get all butt-hurt about it.”

“Just as well if you ask me. And I know. You didn’t. But Jim, you’re on fire, he’s cold as ice. It wouldn’t work.”

“Yeah.” He took a drink so Bones wouldn’t notice the frown he couldn’t contain. “So what happened at that party last night?”

“The usual. Mitchell got drunk and made out with Rand.”

“That is usual,” Jim agreed. “You hook up with anyone?”

“Maybe I did and maybe I didn’t. What’s it to you?”

Jim waggled his brows suggestively.

“Forget it, kid. You aren’t my type. I’m not even your type. And I don’t do pity fucks.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“Besides you’re like my brother. That would be incest or something.”

“Gross. You say the weirdest shit sometimes, Bones.” Jim shook his head. “So? Did you?”

“Well—”

“Yeah?”

“There was this Andorian.”

“Yeah and what happened?”

“I might have gotten a blow job in the men’s room.” Bones took a swallow of his drink.

“You dog.”

“Hey far be it from me to turn down a blow job from a willing stranger. He had a talented mouth.”

Jim rolled his eyes. “You’re too much, Bones.”

“That’s what he said.”

“Oh. Gross.” Jim punched him again while Bones only chuckled.

“Anyway, I went home alone.”

“Me too.”

“If you had come to the party, you wouldn’t have. Lots of ‘em were asking about you.”

 “I wasn’t in the mood for a random hookup.”

“Since when?”

“I don’t know,” Jim admitted. “I think I want something more.” He thought with a Vulcan professor, but clearly that wasn’t going to happen. “Want another drink?”

“Yeah, sure.”

He got out of the booth they were seated at and sauntered over to the bartender. Speaking of hookups and blow jobs. He’d been there done that with this particular bartender.

The guy eyed him with a smirk. “What do you want, honey?”

“Another couple of these.” Jim set the beer bottles on the counter.

As Jim waited for the beer, he glanced around. In the far corner he saw Uhura sitting with her head close to Professor Spock’s, obviously involved in an intimate conversation even though there were other people at the booth with them.

He turned back around just as the bartender passed him the bottles.

“I get off at two, if you want to go another round, honey.”

Jim smiled faintly. “I’ll let you know.”

The bartender winked. “You do that.”

As he walked back to the booth he shared with Bones he had to dodge hands grabbing for his ass.

“When did this place become such a meat market?” he asked as he slid in and handed one of the beers to Bones.

“Since always. You’ve just never cared because that was what you wanted.”

“Yeah, maybe.” Jim sighed and took a large swallow of his beer. It was going to be a long, lonely night. 


	2. Assault

Spock heard a groan of pain from nearby. It was late and it was dark. He had just walked Nyota and her friends to a hover car to depart the bar they had insisted he go with them to and now he was headed home. His apartment was only a block away and he didn’t feel the need to have a ride from Nyota and her friends since there would not have been room for him. Much anyway.

“Who is there?”

He heard a distressed whimper and his heightened senses located the source in the bushes nearby. Lying there, face down, was a cadet.

Spock knelt down. “Do you need medical attention?”

It was then that he noticed the cadet's pants had been torn, leaving most of his lower half exposed. His heart leaping to his throat, Spock turned the cadet over.

“Cadet Kirk?”

Kirk had been battered and beaten. Blood crusted the right corner of his mouth. He had scratches all over his face and gazing down at Kirk’s hands, which were cut and bruised, there appeared to be flesh under his nails where the cadet had attempted to fight back.

Kirk opened his eyes. There were tears there as he gazed up at Spock. “Professor?”

“You have been injured. And I presume sexually assaulted. I will summon the authorities and medical personnel.”

“No.” Kirk grabbed his arms with unexpected strength. “I’m all right. I don’t need anything.”

Spock frowned. “You have been beaten and assaulted.”

Kirk shook his head. “Please. I don’t need the authorities and I don’t want to go to the hospital.”

“Cadet, that is completely unwise. You are injured.”

Kirk struggled to sit up, wincing. “I’m not so bad.”

“I must protest.”

“Just help me up.”

Spock rose and did so. Kirk swayed a little. “My apartment is near. At least allow me to tend to your surface injuries.”

Kirk bit his lip. “I don’t want to bother you.”

“It is hardly a bother. I would rather you went to the hospital.”

Kirk’s lips thinned stubbornly. “That’s not an option.”

“Very well. Then come with me.”

The trip to his apartment was quick and uneventful and while he had Kirk sit on a dining room chair, Spock went to collect supplies to tend to his wounds as well as a robe for Kirk to change.

“Um, thanks,” Kirk said, avoiding his gaze.

Spock studied him carefully. “You took me to the hospital.”

“That was different. That was you. I’m not really injured. I just have some scrapes and bruises.”

Spock replied, “If you wish, you may take a shower and change before I tend to your wounds.”

“Not wounds. Just-just scrapes really.” Kirk stood. “But a shower would be great.”

Spock stopped him with a hand on his arm. “Were you raped?” he asked gently.

Kirk looked away. “I-I wasn’t anally penetrated if that’s what you mean.”

“But you did suffer sexual assault,” Spock surmised.

Kirk nodded, looking away. “I probably asked for it.”

Spock tamped down the anger he felt at Kirk’s words, since it was not directed at the cadet. “That is doubtful. We will speak when you have come back from your shower.”

Kirk nodded and took the robe, disappearing into Spock’s bathroom.

Spock wished to call the authorities and nearly did. But he decided he would attempt to convince the cadet that was the best course.

When Kirk came out of the bathroom, his hair was wet and he was dressed in a plain brown robe. His gaze skittered around Spock’s apartment apprehensively which caused Spock’s heart to clench.

“I have made you some tea,” Spock said quietly.

“Oh. Thanks.” Kirk licked his lips.

Spock waited for the cadet to sit and then he poured him tea. “Cadet, may I have use of your first name?”

Kirk nodded. “Sure.”

“Jim, I would like to inquire about your assault.”

“Okay. Um. What do you want to know?” He looked down at his tea.

“Your trousers were ruined. I do not believe you will be able to repair them to satisfactorily wear them again.”

“I have another pair.” He gripped the teacup with tight fingers. “The question you asked earlier? That was their intention. But either you or someone, anyone, scared them away.”

“There was more than one?”

“Three of them. I met them at the bar. I think they slipped something into my drink. They made me—made me—”

“You do not have to say. I do not need details.”

Kirk bit his lip. “I, uh, used your mouth rinse. Hope that was all right.”

“It is. You may use whatever you require.” Spock hesitated. “Did you know the men?”

“No, first time. I was there with Bones.”

“Bones?”

“Uh. Leonard McCoy. But he left before I did.”

“Your boyfriend?”

“No. Just a friend.”

“Why do you not want to inform the authorities?”

Kirk sighed. “It happened before.”

Spock stiffened. “You were assaulted?”

“Six months ago. A guy slipped something into my drink and had sex with me. I woke up after and I could barely remember anything,” Kirk admitted. “I contacted the authorities and they basically didn’t believe me.”

“They did not believe you?”

Kirk looked away from Spock. “I have a reputation for being promiscuous. They made a bunch of cracks about it.”

“They said you deserved it?” Spock surmised.

Kirk shrugged. “That was the implication. Ultimately they said I was wasting their time. It was my word against his and he claimed it was consensual. And I just refuse to deal with all that crap again. If I went to the hospital, they’d have to report the assault and I’d be back to it all.”

“I see,” Spock said softly. “I do not have a dermal regenerator for you cuts, but I do have some anti-septic.”

“Bones can probably take of that. He’s a doctor.”

“It is late. I request you stay here for the remaining duration of the night. You can contact your friend when you wake.”

Kirk was shaking his head. “I don’t want to keep bothering you.”

“You are not. And I insist.” Spock leaned forward and used an anti-septic pad on the visible cuts and scrapes on Kirk’s face. Kirk winced. “Does it hurt?”

“Stings a little, yeah.”

“I am told there is safety in numbers.”

“I know. It really didn’t occur to me that this was going to happen. I go to that bar all the time.”

Spock exhaled. “There is a Vulcan form of marital arts. If you are amenable, I would teach you some of the moves after your courses to help with self-defense.”

“Yeah?”

Spock tilted his head. “I mean no offense, of course. But I suspect it would be beneficial to know other ways to defend yourself should the need arise.”

Kirk smiled a little. “It would. That would be great. But, I don’t want to—”

“I would not have made the suggestion if I found it an imposition. I am free on Wednesdays after three.”

“Okay, yeah. Thank you.”

“And now if you are ready, I believe you should rest. The couch makes into a bed.”

“I could probably call Bones to come get me. I’ll need clothes anyway. I don’t want to take your robe.”

“You can contact your friend for assistance in the morning. I assume he left you at the bar earlier because he had plans of his own?”

“Yeah. Yeah, he did.”

Spock inclined his head. “Then I will prepare the bed for you.”

“Thanks, Spock. You’ve been great.”

“You are welcome, Jim.”


	3. Pretense

For several heart beats when Jim first woke he could not recall where he was. Panic set in. Waking up in a strange place was among his least favorite things. But then it came flooding back to him.

Professor Spock.

The fact that Spock had found him in such a vulnerable state filled Jim with shame. Not to mention the fact he’d come close to being raped by three total strangers. Despite having rinsed his mouth he still had the faint taste of sperm on his tongue. He would get Bones to disinfect him everywhere.

He tried to push away his own memories of being forced to his knees and having his mouth pried open. Three fucking times. His stomach turned over at the memory. They’d been ripping at his clothes, tearing at his pants, while Jim tried to fight them, when something, some sound, sent them scrambling away.

“You are awake.”

Jim shifted up onto his elbows to find that Spock stood near the couch bed gazing down at him. “Yeah, just woke up.”

“If you are hungry, I will make breakfast while you contact your friend.”

“Okay. What time is it anyway?”

“It is ten minutes, twenty-nine seconds past seven.”

“Oh.” Jim licked his lips. “All right.”

Spock moved away toward the kitchen. “Are you in any discomfort?”

“My ribs are a little sore,” Jim admitted. “One of them kicked me a few times.” He felt himself blush. “My jaw too. Is sore I mean.”

Jim got out of the bed and folded the bed back into the couch. He noticed Spock was staring blankly at him.

“You will provide me with descriptions of the men who accosted you,” Spock said in an authoritative, ‘I order you’ voice.

Jim bit his lip. “For what purpose?”

“I intend to make inquiries at the establishment where you met them.”

“Spock, I already told you I don’t want to contact anyone.”

“I am not speaking of the authorities, Jim. I am making personal inquiries. And even if you have no direct concern for yourself, which I assure you I do not share the lack of concern, there is the distinct possibility they will continue to attack others like you.”

Spock had a point. But at the moment, he needed to seriously take a leak. “I’ll, uh, be right back.”

He took care of peeing, then washed his hands and surveyed himself in the mirror. His face was already shadowed with bruising, the cuts and scratches looking red and ugly against his too pale skin.

Truth be told he felt weird being in Spock’s Vulcan robe, weird being in Spock’s house. He took out his communicator and only a moment later a sleepy Bones answered.

“Jim?”

“Hey. Listen, sorry to bother you. I’m, uh I —”

“What happened?” Bones demanded, his voice sharp and alert.

“Bones, I was attacked last night.”

“God damn it. I shouldn’t have left you.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You couldn’t have known. Anyway, there were three guys and they beat me up some.”

“Jesus. Where are you? The hospital?”

“No. Professor Spock’s apartment.”

“Who now?”

Jim sighed. “You know what I said. He found me. Came to my rescue. My clothes are all torn. Can you come here with my other cadet’s uniform?”

“Did they—?”

“Not everything, but enough,” Jim said softly.

“I’ll kill them.”

“You might have to get in line.”

“What?”

“Never mind. Can you come? I’m wearing some sort of meditation robe of his or something and I have a class later.”

“Jim, no one would blame you if you didn’t go to class.”

“I know. I gotta have normalcy, Bones. Something.”

“Okay, kid. Give me his address and I’ll be there soon.”

Jim did and then opened the bathroom door. Spock was talking to someone himself.

“No, Nyota. Yes. His name is James Kirk. Just a friend. I will see you later.”

Spock turned from his communicator as Jim stepped into the living room.

Jim attempted a smile. “I’ve called Bones. He’s on his way.”

Spock nodded. “I have tea and some eggs ready for you.”

Jim walked over to the kitchen where Spock had set two plates of food. “Does my being here make her uncomfortable?”

“Nyota?” Spock shook his head. “Why would it?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. Thought maybe.”

“It does not.”

Jim ate his eggs and sipped his tea in silence eager for Bones to arrive. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Spock. It was that he liked Spock too much. Spock had a girl and Spock had now seen Jim at his worst. He wasn’t sure if he would ever see Spock again, despite his invitation to teach him Vulcan martial arts. Jim was pretty sure he’d want to avoid seeing Spock.

Twenty minutes later, Spock’s doorbell rang and Jim rose as Spock went to the door. Bones stepped inside, holding Jim’s change of clothes.

He went immediately into Bones’ arms.

Bones hugged him close. “It’s all right, kid.”

“Yeah.” Jim nodded and then pulled back. He grabbed the clothes and then turned toward the bathroom once more. “I’ll just get changed and then I’ll be out of your hair.”

“You are not in my hair,” Spock said, all politeness. He turned to Bones. “I am Spock.”

“Oh shit. I should have introduced you. Sorry.”

“Leonard McCoy,” Bones said with a slight frown.

Jim slipped into the bathroom and changed quickly. When he came out neither Bones nor Spock were speaking.

“I still need the description of the men who assaulted you, Jim,” Spock said.

Bones eyed Spock. “I’ll take care of it.”

Spock opened his mouth to say something, Jim didn’t know what, but he hustled Bones to the door.

“Thanks again, Spock. For everything.”

****

Jim was aware of Bones watching him very carefully as they made their way onto campus. Bones had taken care of Jim’s cuts and scrapes in the foyer of Spock’s apartment building. It had only taken a few minutes to get rid of the visible ones.

“I’m all right, Bones.”

“I know a counselor who you should—”

“No,” Jim cut him off.

“How much do you think you can bury, Jim?”

“As much as I need to. The last thing I need is a shrink probing around in my head.”

“And how was it you ended up with the hobgoblin of all aliens?”

“He was at the bar last night just like us. I’m fortunate he was there, Bones. Those guys were very intent on getting what they wanted out of me.” Jim bit his lip. “Not sure if I would have even made it after.”

“You think they would have killed you?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. And I am glad I don’t have to know.”

Bones grimaced. “I’m never leaving you alone again.”

“Like that’s a solution.”

“It is. Trouble finds you, Jim. Gotta have a babysitter. Or a bodyguard.” Bones sighed. “I think we should report this.”

“Not you, too.”

“I’m not surprised the hobgoblin wanted to report it. He’s by the book. But if these guys really wanted to kill you—”

“That’s just speculation. I don’t know whether that was their intention or not.” He stopped outside his classroom. “I’ll see you after classes.”

“Meet me at the entrance to the cafeteria. And don’t go anywhere.”

“Bones—”

“I mean it, Jim.”

“All right.”

The truth was Jim was grateful for Bones being a mother hen. He was still bothered by what happened. Much more effected then he was letting on. He was bruised and sore and battered. He just wanted to crawl unto himself and be left alone.

As he stepped inside the classroom he found himself looking at everyone else, trying to see if any of them were the guys from the night before. But he just couldn’t tell. He went to the back row and kept his head down.

****

Jim had wanted his own dorm room. He didn’t share space well with others and so had been pleased he didn’t have to.

But now as he closed and locked his dorm room door he found himself uneasy for the first time. The incident six months ago had been like date rape. Not that it was excusable. It was not. But he hadn’t been outright jumped, brutalized, had his clothes torn off. Not until now.

His room was quiet and Jim found himself turning on the lights to full capacity. He was still nervous and jumpy. He’d promised Bones he would stay in. And really he didn’t want to go anywhere. But he couldn’t call Bones. Bones had an important meeting.

Jim paced the room for another ten minutes. His communicator chirped.

Flipping it open, he said, “Yeah?”

“It is Spock.”

“Hi.”

“I wished to check on your welfare.”

“I’m all right.”

There was a long pause.

“You do not sound all right.”

Jim wasn’t sure how to respond to that because really he wasn’t all right. Not at all.

“I’ve been thinking about that tea you served,” Jim said softly. “That was really good.”

“It is Vulcan tea.”

“Know where I can get some?”

Another long pause.

“If you provide me the location of your dorm, I will bring some now.”

Jim blew out a breath, trying to ignore his own relief. He was not afraid. “Yeah? I would love that.”


	4. I Feel For You

“I told you, Nyota. He is only a friend,” Spock said into his communicator as he walked down the corridor that led to Jim Kirk’s dorm room. “And I have arrived. We will speak tomorrow. Spock out.”

He closed it without giving her an opportunity to reply.

Spock found the correct dorm room number and knocked softly on the door. He could hear footsteps within the room and a moment later the door opened to reveal one blue eye.

The eye disappeared and the door opened fully to reveal Kirk…Jim. It was difficult for Spock to think of this young, vulnerable battered man by his last name. He was not certain why.

Jim closed the door after him. His teeth sunk into his bottom lip as he eyed Spock warily. “I’m sorry I made you come all the way here. I’m okay, really. I wasted your time.”

Jim looked anything but okay. His face was swollen and bruised, his eyes wild and scattered, a little frantic. Spock suspected his pulse rate was elevated as well.

“I do not mind,” Spock replied. He held up the box of tea he had brought with him. “If you will direct me to where your teapot is, I will make us tea.”

“Oh shit. I don’t have a teapot.” Jim’s eyes were wide. “I’m sorry. God that was stupid of me.”

“Jim, you are not stupid. Do you have a pot? I will simply boil water in it.”

Jim nodded. “Yeah, I do.”

“Then there is no crisis,” Spock said calmly. He followed Jim into the little kitchenette he had in the dorm. It had a tiny refrigerator, a sink, a cabinet, and a stove with a single burner. Enough for their purposes anyway.  Jim went into the cabinet and pulled out a pot that Spock filled with water.

When he had made the tea, he poured it into two cups he found in the kitchen cabinet. He handed one to Jim.

“May I make a query?”

“Sure.”

“Who has led you to believe you are stupid, Jim?”

Jim blinked, then his gaze slid away to somewhere over Spock’s shoulder. “I’m sorry?”

“I have reviewed your file, Jim. You are a certified genius.”

“Being a genius doesn’t mean you aren’t also stupid,” Jim said, his voice whisper soft.

“Who in your life has told you this?”

Jim shrugged. “My stepdad. He called me stupid every day, several times a day.”

“I very much doubt I would get along with him,” Spock said. “You are not stupid, and you will refrain from calling yourself that.”

Jim smiled a little. “You sound all profesory when you get like that.”

“Indeed. Sit. I have more inquiries.”

Jim sat at a little table and chairs right off the kitchenette. Spock sat across from him.

“Can you recall what happened last night before you were assaulted?”

“I was at the bar with Bones for a while. But then he left. To be honest I was just going to leave myself but then this guy came up and started talking to me. He bought me a drink. I had been drinking beer all night but he bought me a mixed drink of some kind.”

“You do not know what? You did not choose it yourself?”

“No. He just put it in front of me.” Jim sighed. “Are you sure I’m not stupid?”

“Perhaps careless,” Spock said. “And then?”

“There may have been another one, I don’t really remember. And then two other guys showed up, said they were friends of his. I wasn’t really feeling well. And now I know why.”

“He definitely put something in your drink.”

Jim nodded. “He must have. They offered to escort me out of the bar to get a ride home or something. I was really dizzy. Then outside—” Jim stopped, looked away. 

“You do not need to give me the details,” Spock assured him. “I can surmise what happened.”

Jim was looking down at his fingernails. “I’m so sick of this.”

“Sick of what, Jim?”

“I don’t know. Being a victim. I’m not weak, you know? Or I didn’t think I was.”

“You are not.”

“Then why does it keep happening to me? My stepfather. All this shit.”

Spock went cold. “Your stepfather abused you?”

Jim clenched his eyes shut. “I didn’t mean to tell you that.”

Spock touched his hand to Jim’s. Normally he did not find it pleasant to touch those he was not quite familiar with. As a telepath, it was too easy to get their emotions, their thoughts. Humans were psi-null and unable to prevent such things from bleeding through. But Spock had been drawn to Jim for several weeks and it was only getting stronger the more time he spent in the young cadet’s company.

Jim opened his eyes. His face was flushed red.  “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to dump my issues on you.”

Spock curved his fingers around to the palm of Jim’s hand. Surprisingly he didn’t get much from Jim, just a very slight bit of embarrassment, anxiety, and fear.

“You are not ‘dumping’ on me. I am very sorry your stepfather abused you. Is he alive?”

“Yeah. I don’t see him anymore though. He’s still in Riverside, where I’m from. Don’t really go back there anymore.”

Spock filed the information away for the future. “That is wise. Jim, may I make a suggestion?”

“Sure.”

“Do not accept drinks from anyone except trusted friends.”

“Yeah, I know. You’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking. You’d think I would have learned after the last time. I really am stu—”

Spock squeezed his hand and Jim stopped. “Can you describe the men who accosted you?”

Jim shook his head. “Just in vague terms. I remember the guy who first approached me more than the other guys. Tall. Taller than me. But thinner. Really thin. Dark brown hair, maybe red. Like, um, auburn. Brown eyes.”

Spock nodded. “And the others?”

“Not much. Just really big. Muscular. One had a beard.”

“I will ask at the establishment.”

“You don’t have to do that, Spock.”

“I wish to,” Spock admitted. He hesitated. “I am drawn to you, James Kirk. In a way I have never experienced. I wish to protect you.”

Jim’s mouth hung open. “Yeah?”

“This surprises you also.”

“Well, yeah. I mean, I’m totally drawn to you too. I was gonna—well anyway. You have a girlfriend, right?”

Spock tilted his head. “I do not.”

“Nyota Uhura?”

“A friend only.”

Jim smiled. And it was a very nice smile indeed. “Oh.”

Spock arched a brow. “Would you care for more tea?”

“Y-yeah. Good idea.”

Spock rose and prepared the tea again.


	5. Reciprocation

“Are you out of your mind?”

Jim sat up straight in bed, his heart pounding hard as he was abruptly woken up by Bones shouting. Spock put a hand on Jim’s chest and weirdly Jim felt himself calm.

“There is no need to shout, doctor,” Spock said from beside Jim in the bed. “There is nothing wrong with either mine or Jim’s hearing.”

Bones stood at the foot of Jim’s bed, scowling at him. Jim had to admit it probably had been rather odd for Bones to find Jim lying mostly on top of the Vulcan professor.

“How did you obtain access to Jim’s dorm room?”

“He has a key,” Jim replied.

Spock glanced at Jim. “Who else have you given a key to?”

“Just Bones.”

“I would advise against giving anyone else access at this point,” Spock said.

“I hope you are including yourself in that,” Bones said, glaring at Spock.

“Bones.” Jim sighed. “We should probably get up.” It was then he realized Spock’s hand still rested on Jim’s chest, right over his heart.

“Indeed.” Spock moved his hand and sat up in the bed. They both stood up.

“Well, at least you have your clothes on.”

“That’s because we didn’t sleep together, Bones,” Jim told his nosey friend. “Well, we slept together. Just not—well you know.”

“Thank God you have some sense then.”

Jim felt Spock tense beside him. He cleared his throat. “Not that I’m not glad to see you, Bones, but why are you here?”

“To check on you, of course.” Bones shook his head. “I see I had reason to be concerned.”

“Do you have an issue with me, Cadet?” Spock asked in his best intimidating professor voice.

“Bones, lay off Spock. And stop the growly over protective brother thing. Spock stayed with me last night because I asked him to come over. As you already noticed, all we did was sleep.”

“Of course if we had done more, it would not have been your business,” Spock said coolly.

Bones narrowed his eyes. “Don’t you have a girlfriend?”

“I do not.”

“Jim said—”

“I was wrong, Bones. You want some coffee or something?”

“On that note,” Spock said, heading for the door. “I must return to my apartment to ready myself for classes.”

“Okay.” Jim nodded. “Thank you for everything.”

Spock inclined his head. “I will be in touch later today. Doctor.”

“Professor.”

As soon as the door closed behind Spock, Bones turned to Jim. “What the fuck?”

“I was a little freaked out last night and Spock came over,” Jim explained, heading into his kitchenette to make them coffee. “He was really nice and he stayed so I wouldn’t be freaked out.”

“Really nice, huh?”

Jim blushed a little. “Turns out we both sort of like each other.”

“Turns out, does it? Well, I know you like Professor Hobgoblin but he likes you too?”

“Yeah. Or so he says. He said Uhura is just his friend. And he feels drawn to me.”

Bones snorted. “Sounds like he just wants to get into your pants.”

Jim shrugged. “So, what if he does? I like him. A lot. A lot.”

“I know you do, kid.” Bones sighed. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt. Any more than you already have been.”

Jim smiled. “I know. I love you lots.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Bones said gruffly. “You should have told me you were anxious. I would have stayed with you.”

“You had plans.”

“I would have canceled them for you. You’re more important than hooking up with someone.”

Jim handed Bones his coffee. “I didn’t even really think about how much it was affecting me until I was already alone, you know? Spock is going to teach me some martial arts stuff.”

“Might be a good idea. No more bars by yourself, Jim.”

“It’s going to be a while before I go to any bars. Trust me.” Jim bit his lip. “Am I a victim?”

“What?”

“This crap keeps happening to me. And for someone who’s supposed to be a genius, I sure am stupid.”

“You aren’t. But you are a little naïve sometimes. And I think you also think you can take care of yourself, you put on your bravado like no one can touch you.” Bones shook his head. “I hate that you won’t talk to the authorities, Jim. They shouldn’t get away with it. I want to kill them myself.”

“I’m embarrassed it even happened,” Jim said softly.

“Ah, come on, kid. It wasn’t your fault. Those guys were predators. I’m just glad the hobgoblin found you and got you away from there.”

“Me, too.” But Jim couldn’t shake the feeling of being ashamed.

****

Jim was surprised to see Spock waiting for him when he came out of his linguistics class.

“Hey.” Jim smiled. “I wasn’t expecting you.”

“Indeed. I did say I would be in touch later today.”

“Well, yeah. I thought you meant you’d send me a message or something.”

“If you have other plans—”

“No, no, I don’t.”

Spock nodded. “Then will you come with me to my apartment? I propose to make you dinner.”

Jim grinned. “Yeah? You’re going to cook for me?”

“If you are agreeable.” Spock hesitated. “If you would like, you can stay on my sofa bed tonight.”

“On your sofa bed?”

“I would never presume otherwise given our very recent acquaintance.”

“So, we’re acquaintances?”

“Jim—”

“I’m teasing, professor. I would like to come over. Are you still willing to teach me Vulcan martial arts on Wednesday?”

“Most definitely.”

They ended up stopping at Jim’s dorm room for some of his things and Jim also sent a quick note to Bones so his friend wouldn’t worry. They stopped at a market for Spock to buy some fresh ingredients as well as some coffee for Jim.

“Are you sure I can’t help you with anything?” Jim asked, sitting at the dining room table, cup of coffee in his hands, as Spock cooked at the stove.

“I am positive. If I am to impress you with my culinary skills I must do so alone.”

Jim smiled faintly. “Are you trying to impress me?”

Spock nodded.

Jim laughed. “Really? Why?”

Spock did not reply at first and Jim opened his mouth to ask again. Finally, however, Spock said, “I am courting you.”

He swallowed. “C-Courting?”

“Yes.” Spock did not look in Jim’s direction. “If my interest is reciprocated, of course.”

“Wow.”

Now Spock did look at him, and he looked a bit…uneasy. “Clarify.”

“It’s…” Jim winced at the squeak in his voice. “It’s reciprocated.”

Spock nodded. “I am gratified.” 


	6. The Touch of Your Hand

Spock had never had an occasion to participate in what humans called ‘courting’. Or that was what his mother had advised him it was called anyway.

He’d never anticipated being attracted to another enough to consider his participation.

Early on, when Spock was only a child, his father had looked into bonding him to another Vulcan child. Most had refused the very idea because of his half-human side, but the parents of one particular girl, T’Pring, had allowed the match. Unfortunately during the ceremony it had been determined that it could not go forward. T’Pring had already formed a connection with another boy, Stonn.

When Spock had come to Earth, it was to join Starfleet. After completing the academy ahead of schedule, Spock had participated in a number of space missions. Once he had returned to Earth, he had been promoted to commander, and had decided to take a two-year assignment as a professor at the academy.

During all this time, Spock had friends, Nyota Uhura among them, but he had not felt any romantic attraction to anyone…until James Kirk.

It was then that he realized his romantic preferences were more directed toward males than females. And the more time he spent in Jim’s company, the more he realized they were directed toward Jim over other males.

That Jim shared his interest was a matter of great relief for Spock. He did not wish to be in the position of his interest being unrequited.

He placed the plates of food he had just made in front of where Jim sat and the other chair where Spock himself would sit.

Jim smiled. “It looks and smells good.”

“I do not cook with meat, so I hope it will be to your liking.”

“That’s cool. I know Vulcans are vegies.” Jim laughed. “Vegetarians, I mean.”

“You should laugh more often,” Spock replied.

“Yeah?” Jim looked at him quizzically. “Why is that, Professor?”

“You have an infectious and pleasing laugh, Cadet.”

“You know you’re pretty good at that.”

“At what?” Spock wondered.

“Flirting. I’d heard Vulcans weren’t, but you are.”

Spock arched a brow. “Is that what I am doing?”

“Oh yeah. Cooking for me. Complimenting me.”

“I do not compliment for compliment’s sake. All that I say is the truth.”

“Still.” Jim smiled. “It’s nice.”

Spock watched as Jim took a second bite of the quinoa dish Spock had made. “Is it to your liking?”

“Yeah, it’s good. Best part is I’m not having a reaction.”

“A reaction?”

Jim nodded. “I’m allergic to a lot of things. Drives Bones a little crazy. I have to be really careful.”

Spock allowed a small frown. “I wish you had given me a complete list of your allergens prior to the commencement of our meal.”

“Well, it’s fine.”

“But you were not certain it would be. I will contact Dr. McCoy for the list.”

“Is that really necessary?”

“If we are going to become involved, I need to be fully prepared.”

Jim smiled again. “Okay. You know, you’re really cute. And not at all what I expected.”

“What did you expect?”

“I don’t really know. I guess what I mean is, I didn’t expect you to be interested in someone like me.”

Spock suspected that was because Jim felt he was not worthy of such attention. But he changed the subject. “Why did you join Starfleet?”

“Kind of a weird story, actually. I was in a bar in Riverside, Iowa and I ran into Captain Pike after a bar fight. He’s the one who talked me into it.”

“A bar fight? Do you frequently engage in such activities?”

Jim grinned. “Well, yeah. I mean I did. Not so much anymore. But then? Yeah. I don’t back down to assholes who are bigger than me and that gets me in trouble sometimes. I have a smart mouth.”

“All the more reason for you to learn the martial arts I intend to teach you.”

“You’re really something,” Jim said. “I really don’t get it.”

“I have told you I am drawn to you and you advised you were likewise drawn to me.”

“Yeah.” Jim’s blue eyes were suddenly very serious. “I mean you’re incredibly hot, so that’s part of it.”

“I find you pleasing in appearance as well.”

“But I’ve been around hot guys before and never wanted to climb all over them. And inside of them.” Jim blushed. “It’s different.”

Spock nodded. “It is the same for me.” He hesitated. “I do not wish to frighten you.”

“I’m not scared of you.”

“I am gratified. But I mean that there are Vulcan bonds. As a telepathic species bonds between couples and families are a necessity.”

“Okay.”

“Under normal circumstances they are formed through intervention from a Vulcan priest or priestess. There are rare occasions when they form spontaneously between two highly compatible beings.”

Jim frowned. “What does that mean?”

“I believe that it is a possibility between the two of us.”

“A bond? We’ve formed a bond?”

Spock shook his head. “I do not believe it has formed. I believe that our souls, our minds, our katras, if you will, have come to recognize their mate. That is what draws us to the other. As well as physical appeal.”

“Okay, that’s all kind of weird and metaphysical to me.”

“I realize it is not what you are used to as a psi-null being.” Spock paused. “And it is possible I am incorrect in my analysis.”

“But you don’t think you are?”

“I do not. Our minds have not yet touched, so without a full examination of our mental capacity I cannot be certain. All evidence points to this nevertheless. Of course you have a choice, Jim, and do not have to accept any of this.”

“No?” Jim frowned. “What about you? Do you have a choice?”

“If you are my intended as I suspect, there can be no other for me. But I would never force a bond on you. It must be something you are fully willing to accept.”

“Wow. Okay. This is-this is a lot to take in,” Jim admitted. “I mean I like you, Spock. But isn’t that-isn’t that like a marriage?”

“It is a lot more complicated than a human marriage but the analogy is not completely inaccurate.” Spock reached for Jim’s hand. “May I?”

Jim nodded.

Spock first touched his hand to Jim’s, palm to palm. Then very slowly he touched just his index and middle fingers to Jim’s.

Jim licked his lips. “What is that?”

“It is a gesture of affection between Vulcan couples.”

“Oh.” Jim smiled and leaned forward until his lips were just a breath away from Spock’s. “This is a gesture of affection between human couples.” His lips found Spock’s in a soft, gentle, but thoroughly pleasing kiss. Jim pulled back. “Which do you like best?”

“Both have their qualities,” Spock said, allowing a small smile to appear.

“Agreed. But I think maybe we need to experiment more with both.”

“Your dinner is growing cold.”

Jim sighed. “Spoilsport.” But he forked a bite and changed the subject abruptly to his courses at the academy. Still, Spock saw the raw, uncertainty in Jim’s eyes he was trying to mask. 


	7. Out of His Element

Spock might be courting Jim and all but apparently Vulcans liked to do it as though they were in old Earth’s Regency period because after dinner and a few games of chess—split evenly between them—Spock went about setting up the sofa bed for Jim just like he’d said when asking Jim over earlier in the day.

For several minutes, Jim just stared at the sofa bed rather dumbfounded. He was used to others wanting him. He didn’t think it was too conceited to admit he knew he was attractive for both sexes. And he even knew Spock found him that way, so the fact he was still sleeping in Spock’s living room confused him.

“Is something wrong, Jim?” Spock asked quietly, from right behind him. When Jim jumped, Spock immediately said, “I apologize, I did not intend to startle you.”

He licked his lips. “I’m still a little on edge I guess. I didn’t hear you come up behind me.”

“You seemed quite contemplative.”

“Uh. Yeah. It’s just…I think I’m kind of out of my element with you. A lot.”

“I do not understand.”

“Neither do I. That’s kind of what I mean.”

Spock tilted his head. “Explain.”

“You say you want me and we’re like connected or whatever. Meant to be.” He swallowed. That was a little scary. “But yet…you don’t seem to want to be with me. Physically, I mean.”

“You expected we would engage in coitus.”

Jim blanched. “Well, that word’s sort of weird, but yeah.”

“Jim, you are without equal in my eyes, I assure you. But we have barely known each other a few days. Recently you experienced a traumatic attack. And you have expressed some reservations and Vulcans seek permanent partners in romantic relationships.”

Jim fixated on that last part. “No Vulcans ever have flings?”

“There may be some,” Spock acknowledged. “But I do not believe such behavior is widely conducted nor approved. And certainly not for me.”

“Oh.”

“This distresses you?”

“Well, not exactly, no. I mean I get it. It’s just—”

“What?”

“I don’t know what you see in me if it’s not to have sex.” Jim felt himself blush as he looked away.

“There is more to you than your beauty,” Spock said softly. He had stepped close to Jim. Now his hands were on Jim’s biceps. “Your physical beauty.”

“Really?”

“Indeed. I long to know all there is to know about you. Your mind, your body, all that makes up James Tiberius Kirk.”

“What are you waiting for then?” He asked, licking his lips.

“It is likely the bond I believe we potentially share would likely form if we participated in intimate activities. I do not believe you are ready for that.”

And Jim wasn’t sure he could argue with that. Spock was right. He needed some time to adjust to all this.

He nodded. “Okay.”

“I suppose if you would like to share my bed there is room—”

“No, I’d better not. You’re pretty—well pretty—and I’m not sure I’d keep my hands off you.”

“You make a fair point. That would be temptation for both of us.”

Jim’s chest loosened at the admission. He cracked a smile. “Yeah?”

“Indeed,” Spock said softly. “I find you…pretty also.”

“A goodnight kiss then?” He leaned toward Spock’s lips but Spock held out his two fingers instead and with resignation, Jim met them with his own.

****

“Well?”

Jim looked up from the PADD he was studying on and into Bones’ scrutiny. “What?”

“What’s between you and the professor?”

“We’re friends.”

“Just friends?”

Jim shrugged. “Not just, no.”

“Aha.”

Jim rolled his eyes. “What does aha mean?”

“You’ve had sex with him?”

He shook his head. “Actually no. We’re waiting.”

“For what?”

“The proper time.”

Bones snorted. He picked up his coffee. “What exactly is the proper time?”

“I don’t know. See, Bones, Spock thinks we have this ancient bond thing—”

“Wait, what?” Bones set his mug down hard. Coffee splashed out. “I’ve heard about this. Vulcan voodoo mind control bullshit.”

“Bones, it’s not like that.”

“No? You’ve done it already then?”

“Well.” Jim leaned back in his chair and put his feet up on the cafeteria chair next to him. “No. But I don’t think that’s right. Spock isn’t the kind for mind control anyway. And from what I’ve read about it, that’s not really it.”

“Just…be careful, kid. You’re far too eager with this Spock.”

“That’s part of it, I think. We’re drawn to each other.”

“That’s a good story anyway,” Bones said dryly. “When are you going to see him again?”

“Today after classes. He’s going to show me Suus Mahna. It’s Vulcan martial arts.”

“I know what it is kid, I’m not a dummy. But it takes years to learn that. You won’t be learning it this afternoon.”

“I’m not a dummy either, Bones. I know that. He’s going to start teaching it to me and maybe some moves to defend myself. Not that I can’t or anything. But better moves.”

"Can’t complain about that,” Bones said with obvious reluctance. “Much.”

Jim smiled. “I adore you, you know that?”

“Yeah, yeah, feelings mutual. Now go to your classes. See you later?”

Jim rose and nodded. “Yeah, see you Bones.”


	8. The Intentions of a Vulcan Suitor

“You are all right, Jim?”

“You already asked me that, Spock. I’m fine.”

Spock reached a hand down to help Jim off the exercise mat. “I did not intend to knock the breath out of you.”

“Yeah? What did you intend?”

“To demonstrate a technique of Suus Mahna,” Spock said. He grasped Jim’s biceps. “I believe you have had enough instruction for the day.”

“I guess. It’s just…I knew I wasn’t as strong as you, but jeez, do I have to be so damn lame?” Jim’s mouth was twisted in frustration.

“You are simply unused to this form of combat, Jim. Vulcans train for many years. For now you will learn only basic methods to defend yourself. Merely hand to hand methods. Later we can move on to weapons if you wish.”

Jim nodded. “Okay.” He walked off the mat, moving pretty slowly, and reached for a towel, which he placed around his neck. “I’m in desperate need of a shower.”

“There are showers here to the right of the gymnasium if you wish.”

“Nah, I think I’m going to go back to my dorm. I have some studying to do anyway.”

Spock felt disquiet. He did not wish to part on any sort of antagonistic terms. “Would you like me to accompany you to your dorm? Stay with you for the night?”

“I can stay by myself you know,” Jim said somewhat defiantly.

“I am aware. However, I like to be near you.”

Jim bit his lip. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be a dick. I’m just kind of grumpy.”

Spock nodded. “I can feel your displeasure.”

“God, I must seem like a sore loser or something and I swear I’m not.”

Spock stroked his fingers across Jim’s. “You do not. If you will accept, I will make a stop at my apartment for some belongings and then pick up some dinner for us and come to your dorm later.”

Jim smiled. “Okay. That sounds good. You’re really something, Spock. You know?”

“If you say so.” Spock watched Jim leave and then he went to take his shower at the gymnasiums showers.

When he emerged, he decided to stop for tea at a place he frequented on his way to his apartment. As he waited for his tea to be ready, Spock turned around to see Leonard McCoy walk into the establishment.

“Doctor.”

“Professor.”

“I was unaware you were appreciative of tea.”

McCoy shrugged. “I’m not. I came to talk to you.”

Spock arched a brow. “Very well.” He obtained his tea and went to a table in the corner of the tearoom. “Then I can assume you followed me.”

“Yeah, I did. I wanted to talk to you about Jim. Without him around.”

“If you plan to tell me to stay away from him, you are wasting your breath.”

Dr. McCoy shook his head with a sigh. “No. Jim likes you. Hell, he may even love you. I wouldn’t do that to him. But I do want to know what your intentions are with him.”

“My intentions?”

“Look, Jim likes to think he’s tough and can handle anything. He is tough to some extent, but he’s also a creampuff. He takes everything deep, deep inside him. Some people mistake his cockiness for arrogance or conceit, but it’s to hide what’s broken inside. I shouldn’t have left him alone the night he was assaulted. I know how he gets when someone shows an interest in him. And I’m grateful you were there when I wasn’t. But I’m not going to let that happen again.”

“Nor will I. The very reason I am instructing him in Suus Mahna. There may and likely will be times when I will not be there to protect him. Jim wishes to be able to defend himself. He can with ordinary methods but having extra instruction can only help.”

McCoy eyed him. “Agreed.”

“You know of Vulcan bonds.”

“Somewhat.”

“It is my belief that Jim is my fated bondmate.”

“Jim isn’t Vulcan.”

“Nor does he have to be. We are both drawn to the other.”

The doctor snorted. “That’s called sexual attraction, Spock. It doesn’t have to be star-crossed fated lovers.”

“You are allowed to believe that if you wish, but whatever your beliefs, my intentions toward Jim are quite serious and of a permanent nature.”  

“You believe you’re Vulcan married?”

“Not precisely, no. There would need to be a formal bonding ceremony on Vulcan. Our link, however, is established and we have both felt it.”

“Hmm.”

“I appreciate your concern for Jim, doctor.”

“Do you? Because that kid is like a brother to me and he’s already been hurt way too much. If you hurt him—”

“I will not. I cannot.”

McCoy let out a heavy breath. “I’ll kill you if you do.”

“You could try, however, I do not believe you would succeed.” Spock stood. “I am going to see Jim this evening. I am sure we will see other again.”

McCoy smirked. “Well, I guess we’ll have to if you’re quite serious and permanent.”

“Indeed.”  

Spock left, went to his apartment for an overnight bag, and purchased takeout for himself and Jim. He also brought some of the tea Jim liked with him.

When Jim opened the door of his apartment, he was smiling, which lightened Spock’s heart. Jim leaned over and kissed Spock on his lips.

“What did you get?”

“A hamburger and fries for you. A vegetable sandwich for me.”

“You got me a hamburger?”

“If that is not acceptable—”

“Acceptable? Jesus, Spock, I’m fucking crazy about you.” Jim snatched the paper bag out of Spock’s hand with nothing short of glee and Spock decided purchasing the meat sandwich for Jim was completely worth it.


	9. Getting Away

“How was your vegetable sandwich?” Jim asked, wiping his mouth with a paper napkin that had been in the bag with his hamburger.

“It was adequate.”

Jim smiled. “Does food ever wow you?”

“Wow me?”

‘Yeah. Have you ever had a bite of something that was so delicious you could not contain the moan that escaped from your lips?”

Spock’s brow rose. “I cannot recall ever making such a display of emotionalism.”

Jim laughed. “Okay, point. But have you ever thought, wow, that’s really, really good?”

“I am able to recognize the superior taste from one food item to another, Jim. I do not believe, however, I have ever waxed poetic about something I have consumed.”

“I suppose not.” Jim sighed and shook his head.

“This displeases you?”

“No, no. That’s you. Or all Vulcans. Maybe. I don’t know. It’s not like I know a whole slew of ‘em or anything. It’s just…I’d like you to get some enjoyment out of life, Spock. Even little things.”

“You believe I do not enjoy living?”

Jim bit his lip. Yeah, that came out wrong. “No, that’s not exactly what I mean. It’s just you’re so focused on work and facts and tasks. Maybe we should go somewhere.”

“Somewhere?”

“There’s a three day weekend coming up, right? What are you gonna do?”

Spock gave a slight shrug. “I thought to catch up on paperwork and begin to plan for future course assignments.”

“No.”

Up came the eyebrow. “No?”

“We’re going to go somewhere.”

“You keep saying…somewhere. Where do you have in mind, Jim?”

“Well, I don’t know. The beach or something.” Jim nudged Spock’s leg with his big toe. “Do you like water? The ocean and such?”

“I have no opinion on it as far as preferences. It is the ocean.”

Jim laughed. “Can you swim?”

“Yes.”

“So we can rent a beach house or something for the weekend. It’ll be nice. Just the two of us, yeah?”

“If that is what you wish, I can come up with no obvious objection.”

“Your enthusiasm overwhelms me, Spock.” Jim shook his head. He rose from his little dinette table to collect the trash from their dinner. “I’ll make all the arrangements. You just have to be ready to go.”

“Very well.”

****

“So, you’re going off with the hobgoblin.”

“No, I’m going off with Spock. You might as well get used to it, Bones. And play nice. For once.” Jim was stuffing clothes into a duffle bag.

“I’m nice,” Bones grumbled. “You sure just the two of you should go?”

“That’s kind of the point of a romantic trip.”

Bones folded his arms across his chest as he continued to watch Jim pack. “Does Spock know it’s supposed to be romantic?”

“I think he gets the idea, yeah. Not sure he’s thrilled about it. But he’s coming.”

“Wouldn’t have thought he was much of a guy for romance.”

Jim nodded his acknowledgement of that. “I wouldn’t have thought so too. But you know, he kind of is.”

“Spock?” Bones asked dubiously.

“He’s made me dinner. Told me he’s courting me. We haven’t even…you know.”

“You haven’t had sex?”

“Nope. We’ve done some heavy necking and lots of finger stuff. He’s really into that. But not anything more. He’s wanted to wait until I was used to him or whatever.” Jim shrugged.

Bones made a considering face. “Well. Maybe the stories are true. Have you thought about that?”

“Stories?” Jim frowned over his shoulder at Bones.

“About their Pon Farr.”

“What’s that?”

“The mating thing. It’s all hush-hush like most Vulcan stuff. But the gossip is that they get all crazy every seven years and do it like a million times for days and then that’s it.”

“What do you mean, that’s it?”

“That’s the end of their sex drive for another seven years.”

Jim stared at him. “You mean they only have sex every seven years?”

Bones shrugged. “Just some of the rumors I’ve heard. Might explain his reluctance to have sex with you.”

“Well, he’s not reluctant. I don’t think. Nah. That can’t be it. He would have told me if he only has sex every seven years.” Jim picked up his bottle of lube and stuck it in his pack.

“Yeah, you’re probably right.”

“I am. Maybe I should bring two bottles.”

“How much sex do you think you’re going to have on this little getaway?”

“As much as possible. I mean, jeez, Bones. He’s hot and so am I.” Jim grinned.

Bones rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Just…don’t get hurt.”

“Spock won’t hurt me.”

“I don’t mean physically. I don’t think he will either. I mean emotionally. You give and love with all your heart and soul, Jim. You try to act like it just falls off your shoulders when people hurt you, but I know better.”

Jim smiled and hugged Bones. “I’ll be okay. Don’t worry.”

“I’m always gonna worry.”

Jim stuffed another bottle of lube in his bag and zipped it up. “All right, I’m ready for our beach house adventure.”

Bones nodded. “You know how to reach me.”

“Yep. And stay out of trouble yourself, huh?”

“Who me?” Bones smiled. “Have, fun, kid.”

****

Spock came out with two bags. Jim eyed them.

“One of those has work, huh?”

Spock nodded. “I do not sleep as much as you, Jim. There will be times I will want to occupy myself while you are still resting.”

“All right. I guess I can’t really complain.” Jim grinned. Spock was all bundled up in an oatmeal colored sweater and brown pants and these really kick-ass ankle boots. He was fucking gorgeous.

Spock arched his brow when he noticed Jim checking him out.

Jim’s smile widened. “You’re just…really beautiful.”

“I find you exceptionally aesthetically pleasing as well, Jim.”

And the look Spock fixed on him just then sent his pulse skyrocketing. Jim swallowed heavily.

“Yeah. Um. So, let’s get going.”

“I am ready.”  


	10. Beach Paradise

Spock surveyed the outside of the beach house Jim had rented for them for their weekend as he stood outside after they’d just arrived. Jim had chosen a place called Bodega Bay. It was a mostly quiet ocean-side town north of San Francisco. Its claim to fame had been a 20th century film known as “The Birds”. Spock saw no particular threatening flying creatures at present.

“Beautiful, huh?” Jim asked, coming up to stand next to Spock after pulling their bags out of the vehicle.

“It is very nice.”

“But?”

“Jim, it looks very expensive.”

Jim shrugged and smiled. “Maybe a little.”

“I am uncertain you should have spent the credits on it. I would have been satisfied with much more modest accommodations.”

“It’s no big deal.”

“I will reimburse you half the credits then.”

“No, really. Spock, I have the credits and I wanted to stay here.”

“Are you certain?”

“Yes. I got an inheritance. When my dad was killed. I’m good.”

Spock inclined his head. “Still I should contribute to our weekend away. Perhaps the food?”

Jim flashed a dazzling smile. “Already stocked full of vegetarian food for you and good tasting food for me.”

Spock barely repressed his amusement. “Vegetarian food can be quite appealing.”

“I’m sure.” Jim patted Spock’s arm. “Let’s go inside.”

Spock followed Jim up to the front door and Jim used a code to get inside. Spock had to admit it was a very pleasing place with the back of the house, which faced the sea, full of pristine floor to ceiling windows, a very large kitchen, and a fire place in the living room area.

“There’s like four bedrooms, I guess, so, um, if you want your own room, that’s-that’s not a problem,” Jim babbled, clearly nervous.

Spock touched his fingers to Jim’s. “I did assume we would share a room.”

The dazzling smile was back full force. “Yeah? Good. It’s back this way.”

The master bedroom Jim had chosen for them was bigger than Spock’s apartment in San Francisco. It included a king-sized bed, another fireplace, a balcony out to view the sea, and a bathroom with both a standing shower and an enormous jet-tub. Spock once again thought the expense was likely too extravagant but he pressed his lips together to prevent himself from further comment about it. Eventually Jim would learn that Spock didn’t need to be impressed to want to be with him.

Spock put his bag on the bed next to Jim’s and turned toward Jim. “Are you hungry?”

“A little, yeah.”

“You look fatigued. Perhaps you should lay down and I will make us something to eat.”

“I’d rather go for a walk. It’s nice here.”

Spock minutely frowned. “It is cold out and the wind is picking up.”

“I know. I want to go anyway. You can stay inside. I can go for a walk by myself. I won’t be long. There’s tea, if you want.”

Spock nodded. “Very well. If you are certain.”

Jim smiled and gave him a quick kiss. “I am.”

A short time later, Spock made himself tea and was just beginning to take a sip when he saw Jim walking out on rocks, looking sad and alone, as he gazed out to sea. Spock’s side clenched. He put his tea down and went to get a coat, then went out the back sliding door and made his way to where Jim stood now, his blond hair whipped by the breeze.

Jim turned his head when Spock approached. “You didn’t have to come out here.”

“I wished to.” Spock wrapped his arms around Jim from behind and pulled him against him. “You are not even wearing a coat.”

“It’s not so bad.” Jim shivered even as he said that.

“You are melancholy,” Spock murmured by Jim’s ear.

“No.”

“Ashayam, I can see it as well as feel it.”

“I just…sometimes I think I want to walk into the ocean and just keep going until the water covers my head.”

Alarm shot through Spock. “Jim—”

“I don’t though.” Jim shook his head. “It’s just a fleeting thing. More so now that I’ve met you. Before you came along I never really expected I’d have anyone. Not like this. Girls want me. Guys want me. I get that. But they never get past my looks and what they think I should be.”

Spock turned him around until he was facing him. He lifted his hand to Jim’s jaw, cupping it. “When you feel like that I wish for you to tell me.”

“Humans are just weird, Spock.”

“I am aware. You are my concern, not others.”

Jim closed his eyes and leaned into Spock. “And you’re really sure I’m your t’hy’la? You couldn’t have gotten it wrong?”

“I could not and you are.” Spock pulled him impossibly closer as the wind became stronger. “You doubt yourself. Your abilities. You have been through much, ashal-veh. But I do not doubt you. You are strong and brave.”

“And you are perfect,” Jim whispered against Spock’s neck.

“I assure you I am not,” Spock said, amused. “The first time you become angry with me, you will admit I am not also.”

Jim laughed. “Yeah, okay. You might be right.”

Spock did not wish to change Jim’s mood but he wished to bring up a painful memory for Jim. “Jim? Are you quite sure you do not wish to file a report with the authorities for your assault?”

Jim pulled back a little and frowned at Spock. “I thought we were done with that.”

“I do not wish to see them get away with what they did.”

“I just want to put it behind me, okay?”

Spock did not agree but he could see that Jim was becoming agitated. He had no experience with victims of crime so he was uncertain how to proceed. 

Spock nodded rather than verbally respond for he did not wish to lie to Jim, but he still wanted Jim’s attackers to be held responsible.  Jim came back into his arms.

“It is quite beautiful here,” Spock said, changing the subject. “Though cold.”

Jim titled his head up, angling his face just so Spock’s lips found his. It was a sweet, gentle kiss without much heat, though Spock suspected it could quickly turn to passion.

“Want to go inside, sweetheart? Where it’s warm?”

“Yes,” Spock admitted.

“We can make dinner, get a fire going, snuggle by it.”

“That sounds like a most excellent plan.”

“And something more, perhaps?” Jim licked his lips.

Spock kissed his moistened lips. “Perhaps.”


	11. Exploring

“That was really good,” Jim murmured as he lay on the floor in front of the fire place where they had started a fire.

Spock faced him. Their legs were tangled together.  “You sound surprised, ashal-veh.”

“I didn’t expect to like a meal made with nothing but vegetables.” Jim smiled a little. He looked a little sleepy. And adorable.

“There are many delicious ways to cook without meat,” Spock said softly. He put his hand to Jim’s face. “You are beautiful.”

“Yeah?”

“You take my breath away,” Spock assured him. “I have never met anyone like you and to find out you are my t’hy’la, it is overwhelming.”

“It’s pretty remarkable to me, too.”

“I want to protect you. I want to vanquish your enemies.”

Jim laughed. “I don’t have enemies.”

Spock thought of those who had assaulted his t’hy’la. But he did not wish to bring that up at the moment. Jim was calm and sweet and Spock had no wish to agitate him.

“I will vanquish future ones then.”

“I’m really not a damsel in distress,” Jim said. “One day I hope to be captain of a starship.”

“I have no doubt you will make it.”

“With you by my side.” Jim’s smile widened. “It’s beautiful here, yeah? They’ve got some shops and stuff in town. A farmer’s market too. Maybe we can go there tomorrow? A nice walk.”

“Whatever you want, I am amenable.”

Jim scooted closer to Spock, until their stomachs touched. Spock slid his fingers under Jim’s shirt, splaying his hand across bare skin.

“I want to touch you,” Jim whispered. He hand moved to the zipper of Spock’s pants.

“Perhaps we should touch each other.”

Jim’s lips parted on an ‘o’. “I like the sound of that.”

Spock undid Jim’s pants as Jim finished undoing his. His penis was hardening in anticipation of Jim’s hand on him.

Jim’s hand was shaking when it slipped into Spock’s pants and pulled out Spock’s hard member.

Spock likewise curled his fingers around Jim’s penis, pulling it out of his boxer briefs.

Jim licked his lips. “Spock!”

“I will take care of you.”

Jim leaned into Spock and kissed him as they both started sliding their fists over their erections. Jim’s tongue found Spock’s, swirling around it, as he crawled closer still to Spock.

“God, I just want to crawl inside you,” Jim whispered, as he buried his face in Spock’s neck. “You’re driving me crazy.”

Pure pleasure shot through Spock’s penis as Jim jerked hard. “I am in danger of losing my senses also.”

Jim huffed a laugh which brushed Spock’s throat, causing him goosebumps. Then Jim’s breathless laugh turned into a moan and he coated Spock’s fingers with his fluids.

“Ah, ah, fuck.” Jim clung to Spock with one hand and continued to jerk Spock with the other, swallowing Spock’s cry of release when he fused their lips together.

It was a while before either of them could move. The fire had died down to just a few crackles and the living room area was dark, lit only by the dying fire.

Spock gently shook Jim. “We should retire to bed, Jim.”

“Mmhmm.”

Spock’s lips curved slightly at his sleepy t’hy’la. He rose and then bent down to pick Jim up off the floor. Jim barely stirred, just snuggled into Spock.

And Spock most definitely did not mind.    


	12. The Correct Mate

Jim was feeling pretty good in the morning after his shower and morning coffee. They decided to go into the town for breakfast rather than making it at the rented house. It was beautiful there and part of Jim wished the house really belonged to the two of them.

But realistically they couldn’t afford such an extravagant house being two members of Starfleet who would one day be up in space, if Jim had anything to say about it anyway.

Jim found himself wanting to touch Spock as they walked to the restaurant. Hold his hand like human couples would. He had to keep stopping himself from reaching for Spock’s hand.

“How about that place? Bo’s Kountry Kitchen.”

“That is not how country is spelled.”

“Yeah, I know. They probably know too.”

“Doubtful, given their sign. I am, however, amenable.”

When they stepped inside, Jim immediately noticed those already seated were staring openly at them. Spock was, of course, the only Vulcan in the restaurant.

An old man wearing a greasy apron approached them. “Two?”

“Yes, please.”

They were seated by the front window, which was nice, since Jim liked looking at the ocean, and Bo’s Kountry Kitchen had a nice view of it.

The man who sat them asked, “Anything to drink?”

“Coffee for me,” Jim replied.

“Hot tea, please.”

The man nodded and walked away.

Spock was eying the plastic menu he’d been given dubiously.

Jim smiled. “I love old places like this. They have so much character.”

“Character indeed.”

The man with the apron came back with an empty cup for Jim, which he filled from a carafe with coffee. Then he set a metal teapot next to Spock with a teabag on the side and an empty cup.

“Be back to take your order,” the man mumbled.

Spock’s fingers touched the outside of the teapot. “Apparently their misspellings are not the only issue they have. They do not know the meaning of hot when referring to tea. This is, at best, lukewarm.”

Jim chuckled as he lifted his menu. “Um, what are you going to have?”

“The pancakes with lemon curd seem acceptable.”

“I’m sure they will be good.” Jim put his menu down and gazed out the window. The fog which had rolled in earlier that morning was now burning off. The ocean view was very tranquil.

“You are very quiet this morning, ashayam.”

“I just like it here. It’s nice.”

The guy came back and Spock ordered the pancakes while Jim ordered bacon and eggs with biscuits and gravy.

“Are you going to eat all of that, Jim?”

“Yeah.” He nodded. Then felt weird. “Um. Well. I, I guess.”

Spock tilted his head. “I meant no offense. I was merely curious. You can eat all of it and more.”

Jim shrugged. “I just get weird about food sometimes.”

“I apologize.”

Jim smiled and touched Spock’s hand. “It’s all right. No big deal.”

“It is very peaceful here.”

“It is. I like it.”

Spock nodded. “It is a nice place to visit, as they say. But I cannot imagine you wishing to stay in such a quiet place as this for long. You are a human constantly in motion.”

“It’s true, I know. I get ants in my pants if I stay still for too long.”

Spock quirked his brow. “Ants in your pants?”

“Yep, the creepy crawlies.” Jim grinned. “I wouldn’t want to be here with anyone but you.”

“It is fortunate then that I am here.”

“It sure is.”

****

They went walking in Bodega Bay after breakfast and even went into some tourist shops. There were a couple of times Jim forgot and held Spock’s hand for a bit, but the Vulcan didn’t stop him, and so Jim didn’t try to avoid it.

Jim smiled when he saw Spock studying a sand castle in one of the shops. “People build castles like that on the beaches, only bigger,” he told Spock.

“This elaborate?”

“Oh definitely.”

“Did you ever build one?” Spock asked.

“Nah. Iowa’s about as far from the beach as you can get. And I haven’t really spent that much time by the beach since I got to San Francisco.”

Spock nodded and to Jim’s surprise he went to the cashier and purchased the sand castle from the shop.

Their last destination was the farmer’s market. Jim was surprised to see a wide variety attending the farmer’s market, other species other than humans.

“I read a brochure at one of the shops that indicated the farmer’s market has become a large attraction for the area,” Spock replied when Jim mentioned his surprise.

Jim linked his arm with Spock’s and stopped at every booth. They bought some vegetables and were nearing the end of the giant event when Jim saw two Vulcan males staring at them.

Spock stiffened beside him.

“I see you have become even more human, Spock,” one of them said coldly. “Openly showing inappropriate behavior.”

Jim bit his lip and dropped Spock’s arm. This was his fault of course. He didn’t even know what he’d been thinking. He knew he shouldn’t be hanging onto Spock like he was.

The other Vulcans continued to speak with Spock, who became more and more rigid. Jim wasn’t listening. He backed away from them and walked down toward the beach.

He shook his head at himself. Why had he been walking around Bodega Bay like Spock was a normal boyfriend? A human. Spock was Vulcan and he wanted to be that way.

Jim kept walking and walking, and pretty soon he saw that he was back at the rented house. He’d left Spock far behind.

Jim had just made himself some coffee when he heard the front door of the house open and close.

“Jim?”

“In here, Spock.”

Spock appeared at the edge of the kitchen. “Why did you leave?”

“Because-because I am just the worst mate in the world,” Jim said. “God, I can’t even stand myself.”

“Jim.” Spock came to him. He did not touch him but he stood very close.

“It’s true, Spock. I’m sorry. I totally embarrassed you.”

“Vulcans do not get embarrassed.”

“You did. I know you did. I’m an illogical, emotional human and I’m obviously not the right t’hy’la for you. You were wrong.”

Spock sighed and drew Jim close. “You are the only t’hy’la for me. Jim, I have always been an abomination to other Vulcans because of my mixed heritage. It had naught to do with you.”

“But—”

Spock touched his fingers to Jim’s lips. “I am not wrong and you are my bondmate. You are indeed an illogical, emotional human. But I cherish you anyway. Or perhaps because of it.”

“Yeah?” Jim’s heart had become lighter, hope creeping into him where it likely didn’t belong.

“Affirmative. Taluhk nash-veh k'du.”

Jim leaned into him. “I love you, too.”

“I am gratified.” Spock looked beyond him to the window. “There are clouds coming in. I suspect it will rain tonight.”

Jim laughed. “You’re totally changing the subject.”

Spock’s lips twitched. “Perhaps. I suggest we use the vegetables we purchased for soup tonight.”

“And the bread I bought.”

“Yes.” Spock kissed Jim’s ear. “You are all right?”

Jim nodded. “Yeah, as long as you’re here, I think I will always be.”

“As I said, I am here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I admit I am not really sure where I am going with this story, so if it ends soon, rather abruptly, don't be surprised! I do want to have them make love first before I do (full intercourse) but I expect I will probably conclude this one within a chapter or so. I will try to make those that hurt Jim in the beginning pay before I do.


	13. Finding Himself

“This isn’t the place for us.”

Jim spoke so softly that at first Spock wasn’t sure he heard correctly. If it were not for his superior hearing he would not have heard Jim at all.

Jim stood by the sliding glass window looking out at the storm—it was indeed raining—and the ocean beyond. They’d finished their soup not long ago and Spock had cleaned up the kitchen.

Spock walked up behind him and wrapped his arms around Jim’s waist, pulling him close. “Clarify.”

“All of this. This town. The beach. I wanted to be normal. Like everyone else. But the truth is, I’ll never be normal. What did you say about how other Vulcans view you? As an abomination? I’m the same way. I don’t have a family because they didn’t want to be near me. And when they were, they did—he did—”

“Shh.” Spock pulled Jim closer still, kissing the side of his face. “You are with me now. We have each other.”

“Yeah. And that’s all that matters. I’m not going to fit in here. Neither of us are. But one day we’ll be in space and I don’t know, Spock, but I think that’s home. For both of us.”

“Yes. I think you may be correct. Still there is nothing wrong with exploring other places and lifestyles, Jim. Is that not how humans view the notion of vacations?”

Jim smiled. “Yeah, that’s true. But tomorrow? Let’s head back to San Francisco.”

“I am in agreement with whatever you decide.”

“And when we get back, I want to keep learning Suus Mahna. I want you to teach me until I’m almost as good as you.”

“As you wish, Jim.”

“Maybe better.”

Spock barely held back a snort. “That is unlikely. I have been trained in Suus Mahna since I was a small boy.”

Jim laughed. “Okay. Now it’s on. I have to become better than you.”

Spock turned Jim in his arms to face him. He kissed him softly. “Whatever you wish. I can find no argument to you becoming a master.”

“Can you find an argument to taking me to bed and fucking me into a puddle of submission?”

Spock arched his brow. “Certainly not. Why would I wish to argue with that?”

“Why indeed?” Jim grabbed Spock’s hand, making sure to stroke his fingers along Spock’s in a most intimate way that caused Spock to shiver.

They made it to the bedroom with Jim leading the way. For the moment, Spock was content to take a passive role, but he knew that would be short-lived.

He waited and watched as Jim removed his own clothes. Since his t’hy’la was the victim of prior sexual assaults, Spock did not want to behave in too aggressive of a manner. He would let Jim dictate their pace and exactly what they would do.

Jim raised both eyebrows at Spock when he stood there naked. “Are you just gonna stare at me fully clothed or are you going to get to it?’

“I am, as you say, going to ‘get to it’.”

Spock removed his own clothes with neat efficiency, which earned him a rather inelegant snort from Jim, but Spock could not change the way he was.

“Do you know that I brought two bottles of lube and this is the first time we’ve even used it,” Jim said rather petulantly as he seized a bottle out of his suitcase.

“We could stay an additional night and attempt to use both bottles.”

Jim laughed. “Okay, yeah, maybe. I might have been hasty in suggesting we leave tomorrow.” He tossed the bottle to Spock, who caught it easily. “How do you want me?”

“Whatever makes you comfortable, Jim.”

Jim licked his lips. “Can you lay down on your back and, um, I’ll straddle you? Like that?”

Spock nodded. “Whatever will assure you the most. I will never ever hurt you, ashayam.”

Jim smiled. “I know. Okay. On your back then.”

Spock lay down on the bed, smack in the middle, because Jim insisted, and waited as Jim knelt on the mattress and then crawled to him. He grabbed the lubricant bottle out of Spock’s hand.

“Do you not wish me to use that on you?”

“Oh, for sure.” Jim’s smile was so beautiful, so radiant, Spock’s breath caught. Jim flipped the lid open and then squirted out what seemed like an excessive amount to Spock, especially given he produced some of his own, but rather than protest, Spock once more let Jim do as he wished.

Spock gasped when cold lubricant and Jim’s warm hand touched his already hard member.

“Like that, huh?” Jim licked his lips and stroked his hand up and down Spock’s length.

“What is not to like?” Spock asked through gritted teeth.

Jim chuckled and warmth infused Spock everywhere. All right, perhaps he was quite smitten with Jim. Spock was okay with that.

As he watched, Jim leaned forward, spread his legs and then began to finger his own hole with the lubricant. Jim bit his bottom lip and closed his eyes. It was all Spock could do not to moan out loud.

Then Jim tossed the bottle of lubricant onto a nearby nightstand and then straddled Spock’s legs.

He leaned down to fuse his lips with Spock in a kiss so deep and passionate and full of love it curled Spock’s toes. It was over way too soon.

Jim stared into Spock’s eyes, their gazes locked and he slowly lowered himself down onto Spock’s erect cock. Spock’s moved his hands to Jim’s hipbones, holding him there while they both adjusted.

“Okay?” Jim asked.

“It is more than okay for me. And you?”

“Oh yeah. It feels like home.”

Spock’s heart rate kicked up and he began to thrust inside his t’hy’la.

****

“I’m among the living, Bones.” Jim leaned down to kiss the top of his roommate's head when he and Spock returned from their long weekend.

Bones glared at him. “About time. Not that I missed you or anything.”

“Of course not.” Jim plopped down in the chair next to him. “How are you, Bonesy?”

“Don’t get sassy with me, kid. I’m fine. How’d it go?”

Jim smiled. “It was blissful.”

“Don’t give me any details.”

“I won’t. I do have some stuff to talk to you about.”

“Stuff.”

“Uh-huh. Spock wants me to live with him.”

“Isn’t that a little soon?”

“Is it? We’re you know…soulmates…or whatever.”

Bones snorted. “You can’t even say that with a straight face.”

“Bones.”

His friend sighed. “And what else?”

“I’m going to be taking Suus Mahna for the next one hundred years or so. Then I can kick your ass. Spock’s ass. Everybody’s ass.”

“You can probably already kick mine.” Bones smirked. “I’m a doctor not a prize fighter.”

Jim rolled his eyes.

“I approve of that. The living with the hobgoblin, well…”

“We’re spending the rest of our lives together, Bones. Might as well get started. You’ll be with us once we get a starship.”

“I am not sharing quarters with the two of you.”

Jim nudged him with a sneakered foot. “You know what I mean. Stop being grumpy.”

“Kid, if they give you command of a starship, I’ll eat my hat.”

“You don’t have a hat.”

“I’ll buy one so I can eat it.”

Jim shook his head. “Sometimes you should hear yourself. And then there’s one more thing.”

“Yeah?”

Jim let out a heavy breath. This part was maybe the hardest. But yeah, he needed to. “I’m going to the police station to report the assault.”

Bones stared at him for so long, Jim started to squirm. Then he nodded. “Good.”

“Will you come with me?”

“Anywhere you go, kid. Anywhere you go.”

“Thanks, Bones. I know you wanted me to report it before.”

“I did. I do. I’m just glad you finally figured it out. Was that thanks to the hobgoblin, too?”

“No. Well, sorta. I just…I’ve been thinking about it. They may treat me like crap again, but they shouldn’t get away with it, and I don’t want them doing it to anyone else.”

Bones gave him a rare gentle smile. “Is that all your news, Jim?”

“Isn’t that enough?”

“It’s enough.” Bones stood and reached his hand down to Jim to help him up. “Let’s go. The hobgoblin coming?”

“He’s waiting outside.”

Bones snorted. “Figured.”

With Spock and Bones by his side, Jim could do anything.


	14. Flashes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I decided to end this with flashes of the rest of their time together.

“Spock, I’m sorry. If there is anything I can do—”

“There is not,” Spock said softly.

Jim rubbed Spock's biceps. “Are you certain? There must be something.”

“Take over as Captain.”

“Spock—”

“I am emotionally compromised. I am unable to get the image of my mother—”

“Whatever you need, Spock. I’ll do anything.”

Spock nodded, turned away and fled the bridge.

****

“Happy Birthday, Bones.”

Bones eyed Jim suspiciously and then the square box Jim had handed to him. “What’s this?”

“A birthday present.” Jim smiled. Glanced at Spock, who raised a brow.

Bones opened the box and pulled out the hat. He shook his head and chuckled.

“You gave the doctor a hat, Captain?”

Jim laughed. “I sure did. And he knows why.”

Bones threw the hat at Jim, beaning him in the head.

“I do not understand,” Spock said.

****

“You are never to risk your life in such a manner again,” Spock told Jim, angrily.

“Spock, I had to. The ship was being destroyed. Without the warp core—”

“You died.”

Jim winced. “Yeah, I guess I didn’t really think that through.”

“You did not think it through?” Spock asked through clenched teeth.

“Well, I mean, I knew when I went in I was going to die, but I had to and well—”

“Cease speaking. You are making it worse.”

“Spock,” Jim said softly, holding his arms wide for Spock to come to him. Spock did and Jim enveloped him in his arms. “I am here.”

****

“Transporter Chief Martin, do you have the captain?” Spock asked, clenching the sides of the captain’s chair.

His question was met with silence.

“Chief Martin?”

“I-I don’t-I don’t know. Give me a minute.”

Nyota had risen from her chair to stand beside Spock. Her gaze, watery, was on the destroyed ship on the screen. A ship Jim had been on.

“Martin?”

“I’m trying, I’m trying.”

Chekov and Sulu both turned in their chairs to stare anxiously at Spock.

“Mr. Scott, meet me in the transporter room.”

“Already on my way, Mr. Spock.”

Nyota followed Spock into the transporter. “He’ll be okay, Spock. He beats the odds all the time.”

Spock nodded, unable to find words. His heart was beating frantically.

They both ran to the transporter room. Scott was already there as was Dr. McCoy.

Expecting some caustic remark from the doctor, Spock became even more frantic when all McCoy did was glance anxiously at Spock.

“Mr. Scott?”

Mr. Scott was pulling levers and pushing buttons while the Transporter Chief looked on frantically.

“I’ve got him,” Scott declared, triumphant.

The transporter activated and Jim appeared, on his knees, gasping for air. McCoy rushed toward him, hypospray in hand.

“Welcome back, Captain,” Spock said with a calmness he did not feel.

Jim smiled vaguely. “Thanks.”

****

“Wow.” Jim panted, his body covered in sweat. Every part of him was aching. But he wasn’t complaining much. “Are you sure it’s over?”

Spock buried his face in Jim’s neck and nodded.

“I have to admit I was a little worried.”

“As was I.”

“Yeah, but you’re a worry wart.”

“A worry wart?”

“Yeah, never mind. Do we really have to wait another seven years for that?”

“Jim.”

“I’m just saying. That was super hot.”

****

"We have no ship, no crew -- how are we going to get out of this one?"

"We will find hope in the impossible,” Spock replied.

****

“What? No. No. I don’t want to be an admiral.”

“Kirk—”

“Oh, come on. Spock, help me out here.”

“The promotion is well deserved.”

“What? You’re supposed to be on my side.”

“Always.”

“Admiral Kirk.” Jim sighed. ”I don’t believe this.”

****

“Today we bury Captain Hikaru Sulu. Captain Sulu had an exemplary career, but more than that, he was a good man, a good friend, and he’ll be sorely missed.”

****

“I’m old, Bones. Old and, I don’t know, fat.”

“I wouldn’t say fat,” Bones responded.

Jim frowned. “What would you say?”

“Plump.”

“If you say pleasingly plump I might have to use Suus Mahna on you.”

“Admiral, may I see you alone?”

“What is it, Spock?”

“It is…personal.” Spock glanced at Bones.

“Hot Damn,” Jim crowed. “It’s time again, isn’t it?”

“Jesus, Jim.”

“Sorry, Bones.” Jim grinned. “See you in a few days?”

****

Spock knelt beside the bed. “I came as soon as I felt it.”

Jim smiled faintly. He reached for Spock’s hand. “I knew you would make it. How was your class, Professor?”

Spock could not stop the tears from flowing from his eyes. “Adequate.”

“You’re the world’s sexiest professor and you always have been.”

“Jim,” Spock choked out.

“Nobody lives forever.”

“I-I do not want you to go. I cannot bear it.”

“I don’t want to go,” Jim said softly, his voice growing weaker.

“Then do not,” Spock said desperately.

“I’ll always be with you, sweetheart. In your heart, in your mind.”

Spock shook his head. ”It is too soon.”

“Any time parted from you is too soon.”

“Parted from me and never parted, never and always touching and touched.”

Spock leaned forward and touched his lips to Jim’s. Jim’s lips were cold, his eyes unfocused.

“Love you, Spock.”

“And I love you, my Jim.”

Jim’s hand in his slackened and as he watched, the light in Jim’s eyes went out.

And Spock wept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And yes, that's a wrap on another, sigh of relief.


End file.
